Ceremony of Remembrance Poetry



 Songs & Poetry

Shared at
Ceremonies of Remembrance
 Of Our Children of Any Age

Reflection – 2016         by Kristan Rojas


The unconditional love that pours from the heart of a parent to his or her child, is the purest, truest, most sacred love experienced in life.

Each of us remembers the instant that we learned about their upcoming arrival.

Each of us remembers the overwhelming bliss and devotion we felt upon hearing their heartbeat or seeing their precious face for the first time.

Perhaps, like me, you felt unworthy or unprepared to foster this perfect being through life because you were new to parenting. Yet, you could not imagine giving this honor to anyone else. 

When this pure and sacred bond is formed, we are immersed in perfection. Your son is simply perfect because he is yours. Your daughter is simply perfect because she belongs to you.

There is absolutely nothing that you would not do for this perfect child of yours. Nothing is beyond forgiveness.

Why then, when the unimaginable occurs and our child is no longer physically within our grasp, do we begin to question? It seems so foreign to realize that maybe now it is their turn to guide us.

The unconditional love that pours from the spirit of a child to his or her parent on earth, is the purest, truest, most sacred love experienced in Heaven.

Each of our children now remembers the overwhelming bliss and devotion they felt upon hearing our heartbeat or seeing our precious face for the first time.

Perhaps, due to being new to Heaven, they also feel unworthy or unprepared to watch over us through the rest of our lives. Yet, they can’t imagine giving this honor to anyone else.

This pure and sacred bond transcends all realms and, again, they are immersed in perfection. The father is simply perfect because he is Daddy. The mother is simply perfect because she is Mommy.

There is absolutely nothing that our Heavenly child will not do for us now and nothing is beyond forgiveness.

Each Heavenly child knows about our upcoming arrival and they feel blessed. They are sending us signs to let us know that they are patiently waiting for our arrival into perfection yet again.
 Reflection 2017          By Kristan Rojas

     Before losing ½ of my heart in 2005, when my Joshua passed away, I was probably like most of the world. I was only briefly acquainted with grief… probably even uncomfortable with it. At that time, my losses included grandparents, aunts, and uncles – you know older generations that moved on because it was their time. I too believed that grief was something to experience for a while before carrying on.

     Well, it is safe to say that grief and I are now on a first name basis. In fact, my grief knows me better than anyone else and I now know every single aspect of grief. We are constant companions and our relationship has evolved over time.

     Initially, we were bitter enemies. I hated my grief because it left me open and battered. I felt like I was knocked down and beaten by it. It took away my peace and smothered me with anger, resentment and devastation. This went on for what seemed like forever...

     Then, over time, the reprieves began. It felt like every so often, grief allowed me to take a deep breath. It lessened its weight on my chest long enough for me to have brief glimpses of beauty outside of our battle. I witnessed the sweetness of my daughter’s smile; the strength of my husband’s hand; and the breeze upon my face when I whispered Josh’s name. Though the battle would always commence again, I now had hope that another reprieve would eventually come. I clung to those reprieves. I lived for those reprieves.

     Eventually, I was able to catch my breath more often and I felt ready to slowly begin to stand on my feet. However, I was disheartened to still feel the weight of my grief clinging to my back - attempting to pull me back down. I realized then that I had a choice to make. I could let my grief continue to pull me back to the floor for another battle or I could continue to rise up carrying my grief along with me. It was like my grief and I finally realized that we were stuck with each other for life and we needed to find ways to peacefully coexist.

     This was an empowering realization because if I stopped fighting with my grief, it could no longer consume me. Yes, it would hurt me, exhaust me, anger me and often devastate me, but I would not allow it to consume me. I had things to do. I had beauty to embrace in this life and my son’s legacy to ensure.

     Now, over 12 years later, my grief is still with me. Sometimes it walks beside me like my shadow. I know that it is there but I am able to walk in the sunshine again.  Other times, my grief is draped around me like a cloak. Its familiar weight somehow brings weary peace to me.

     I have now held my grief longer than I held my son and I cannot imagine being without either of them. My grief allows me to still actively be Josh’s mommy every day. I alone have the honor of wearing his cloak.

     My joys are quiet and subdued, but they exist. My heart, though weary, is much more kind now. My strength is quiet, yet strong. My journey appears endless, yet I know Joshua awaits me… in time. Until then, I continue on with my constant companion… my grief. It accepts me for who I am and keeps me warm and humble on this journey back to my Josh.



By Sascha Wagner


I read many words.

I hear many sounds.

Why can I not comprehend?

anything I hear, anything I read?


When you died,

did you take away with you

my senses and my mind?


I understand nothing.



By Sascha Wagner


When grief is new

you need not find a reason

however good and brave

to temper your despair.


When grief is new

the heart accepts no answer

however wise and kind

to ease your mourning. 


When grief is new

your life can only know


overwhelming pain…

            My friend, try to believe
            what other grievers learned;
            you will not always hurt

as you hurt now;

time will restore

the soundness of your mind.

(All other words are shows on the wind

when grief is new.)


I Believe

Songwriters: Sam S. Hollander & Nina Hart

  Every now and then soft as breath upon my skin
  I feel you come back again
  And it’s like you haven’t been gone a moment from my side
  Like the tears were never cried
  Like the hands of time are holding you and me
  And with all my heart I’m sure we’re closer than we ever were
  I don’t have to hear or see, I’ve got all the proof I need
  There are more than angels watching over me
  I believe, Oh I believe

Now when you die your life goes on
  It doesn’t end here when you’re gone
  Every soul is filled with light
  It never ends and if I’m right
  Our love can even reach across eternity
  I believe, Oh I believe

  Forever, you’re a part of me
  Forever, in the heart of me
  I will hold you even longer if I can
  Oh the people who don’t see the most
  See that I believe in ghosts
  And if that makes me crazy, then I am
  Cause I believe
  Oh I believe

  There are more than angels watching over me
  I believe, Oh I believe

 Every now and then soft as breath upon my skin
 I feel you come back again
 And I believe


Just For Today


Just for today, I will try to live through the next 24 hours...not expecting to get over my child's death, but learning to live with it...one day at a time

Just for today, I'll remember my child's life, not his death, and bask in the comfort of the treasured days and moments we shared.

Just for today, I will forgive all the family and friends who didn't help or comfort me the way I needed them to. They truly did not know how.

Just for today, I will reach out to comfort a relative or friend of my child. For they are hurting too, and perhaps we can help each other.

Just for today, I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt. For deep in my heart, I know if there was anything in this world I could have done to save my child from death, I would have done it.

Just for today, I will honor my child's memory by doing something with another child, be it my own, or someone else's, because I know that would make my child proud.

Just for today, I will offer my hand in friendship to other bereaved parents, for I DO know how they feel.

Just for today, I will smile...no matter how much I hurt on the inside...for maybe if I smile a little, my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.

Just for today, I will allow myself to be happy and enjoy myself, for I know I am not deserting my child by moving on.

Just for today, I will accept that I did NOT die when my child did. My life did go on and I am the ONLY one who can make that life worthwhile again.


The Cord

by Unknown Author

                                                We are connected,
                                                My child and I, by
                                                An invisible cord
                                                Not seen by the eye.

                                                It's not like the cord
                                                That connects us 'til birth
                                                This cord can't been seen

                                                by any on Earth.

                                                This cord does it's work
                                                Right from the start.
                                                It binds us together
                                                Attached to my heart.

                                                I know that it's there
                                                Though no one can see
                                                The invisible cord
                                                From my child to me.

                                                The strength of this cord
                                                Is hard to describe.
                                                It can't be destroyed
                                                It can't be denied.

                                                It's stronger than any cord
                                                Man could create
                                                It withstands the test
                                                Can hold any weight.

                                                And though you are gone,
                                                Though you're not here with me,
                                                The cord is still there
                                                But no one can see.

                                                It pulls at my heart
                                                I am bruised...I am sore,
                                                But this cord is my lifeline
                                                As never before.

                                                I am thankful that God
                                                Connects us this way
                                                A mother and child
                                                Death can't take it away!




“To Where You Are”

Songwriters: Richard Marx and Linda Thompson


Who can say for certain                    As my heart holds you
Maybe you're still here                      Just one beat away
I feel you all around me                     I cherish all you gave me
Your memories so clear                    Everyday
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak                         Cause you are mine
You're still an inspiration                    Forever love
Can it be                                             Watching me
                                                            From up above
That you are mine
Forever love                                      And I believe
And you are watching over me         That angels breathe
From up above.                                 and that love will live on
                                                            And never leave
Fly me up to where you are              Chorus
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight                            I know you're there
To see you smile                              
A breath away's    
If only for a while                               not far to where you are.
To know you're there                                  
A breath away's not far 
to where you are.    

Are you gently sleeping
here inside my dream?
And isn't faith believing
all power can't be seen


By Julie Short, In Loving Memory of Kyra:

2007 Southeaster TCH Candle Lighting Ceremony


On a cold winter’s day

Frost etches a beautiful artistry

On everything it touches… every blade of grass

It glitters and sparklers and for moments

before the sun comes out and the masterpiece evaporates.

Before our eyes, we stand mesmerized - cherishing the wondrous sight.

Like frost, our children were only here for a brief moment.

But while they were here,

Whether it was moments in the womb,

Days, months or many years…

They etched their beautiful artistry of love

on our hearts and lives and all of those

they touched.

Unlike frost, what they etched is forever.

It is something that we can cherish and hold onto always.

We stand here tonight lighting a candle to remember children

we will never forget.

Their light, their spirits, there artistry lives on…

And like the flame of the candles gives warmth on a cold winter’s night,

and light in the darkness -

The love our children gave us still remains.

It keeps us warm when the cold winds of grief blow.

It lights our way through the darkness and loneliness that we feel

and it gives us hope

The Price

By Sascha Wagner


It is not really a question of whether



I could have wanted never to have you with me,



if had I known how deeply your dying would break my life today.



There is only the certain truth:



Even if I had known that there would come to me the cruel grief I suffer today,



 I would endure it all again for the wonder of having had you in my life.



Hopi Prayer

-author unknown

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am the thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint in the snow.
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain.
I am the autumn's gentle rain.
When you awaken in the morning hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there,
I did not die.



For Both of Us

By Sascha Wagner


As long as I can

I will look at this world

for both of us


As long as I can

I will laugh with the birds,

I will sing with the flowers,

I will pray to the stars,

for both of us.


As longs as I can

I will remember

how many things

on this earth

were your joy.


And I will live

as well as you

would want me to live

as long as I can.



Adapted From Sascha Wagner


  It is not easy to remember…


  But, easy or not,

  we know that we will not –

  and do not want to-

  forget them.


  Therefore we reach out together again,

  to love our children and to celebrate their memory.


  Again, we light their special candles.

  and we say their beloved names.


  We remember our children, who died.

  They remain forever part of us,

  and we are richer for having shared their lives,

  however briefly.


Safe Passage

Adapted from Molly Fumia


This is not the end of simple joy.

Grieving is bits of many things –

            Memories, regrets, reminders –

Each of which bears its own special weight in our burden of sorrow.

And each bit has to be gone through,

            Patiently, silently, painfully,

As one goes through old papers in a long-forgotten trunk,

Considering each one separately, remembering,

Assigning it to some new box within our hearts.


Healing, too, is bits of many things –

            Smiles which multiply as the days pass;

Chilling remembrances turned warm by the returning sun;

            New ways to cherish.

A day will come when there will be more bits of healing than of grieving;

And reasons for joy will begin to pile up

in the freshly swept rooms of our lives.


First Encounter

By Sascha Wagner

When grief first enters our life,

it tends to invade us –

completely and relentlessly.

We are without comfort, we do not feel pleasure,

we find no joy.

We ache in mind and body.

We feel weak and numb.

in the deepest core of our being,

we are ready to accept

that we will never know happiness again.

What’s more, we feel that this state

is entirely appropriate, natural and irreversible.

Nothing can convince us that,

given time,

we can learn to live again.


But we will.


By Sascha Wagner


It is useless to wonder

what grief is larger

or what grief is smaller.

The death of children

fills to ultimate endurance

every human dimension

for pain.

There is no need

to give rank to death.

We only have to recognize

that grief has filled

a whole life

to its ultimate boundaries.


Full Circle

By Sascha Wagner


The year has gone again

from spring to winter –

and in this year,

your memories may have found

a breath of calm between them,

quiet respite – sometimes.


Then why must there be

twice as many now –

these feelings, now,

these visions, songs and voices,

from Halloween to New Year’s:

Twice memories and smiles

Twice memories and tears…


You know the answer,

even while I cry:

the tears are

(like the smiles)

the season’s face of love.



A Set of Poems By Molly Fumia

Where are you? I have been searching for your continuation beyond the boundaries of my small space. I have wanted to believe you still exist somewhere else. Somewhere separate, but near to me.

I need only to look inside. I will find you there, shining steady at the end of a silver thread of love that will connect us forever to the most powerful truth that has ever been or everwill be.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­They wonder where the part of me that was you has gone. “Part of him died, too, they say.”

They don’t understand. Even now, we are side by side. That doesn’t mean that I can’t go on living without you. It just means that I will believe in you every day of my life.


Uneasy Word

By Sascha Wagner

Hope is not an easy word for grievers but we, more than most others, need to understand what hope can mean for us.

Hope means finding the strength to live with grief.

Hope means nurturing with grace the joy of remembrance.

Hope means embracing with tenderness and pride our own life and the gifts left to us by those we have lost.


To Our Surviving Children

By Sascha Wagner

and you were with us

when the darkness came

you stood and grieved

and kept yourself alive


We thank you now


we have not always honored

who you are

and often did not tend

your hidden sorrows

Forgive us now

because you loved us

well enough to wait

until we could

return to you and know

with joy and hope and love:

you are tomorrow

we celebrate your life –

and while we will remember always, always the one,

the many souls who did not live,

we see you once again for what you are:

the wealth you are,

the comfort and the promise


We thank you now


Safe Passage

By Molly Fumia

Life will not go on in the same way without him. If it were the same, we could only conclude his life meant nothing, made no contribution. The fact that he left behind a place that cannot be filled is a high tribute to the uniqueness of his soul.


Safe Passage

By Molly Fumia

If you share my tears, if you take the first merciful step toward me, if you walk bravely into what I am feeling, then we begin to bring down the power of despair.


I Know You By Heart        By Eva Cassidy

                                 Midnights in winter
                                    The glowing fire
                                    Lights up your face in orange and gold
                                    I see your sweet smile
                                    Shine through the darkness
                                    Its line is etched in my memory
                                    So I'd know you by heart

                                    Mornings in april
                                    Sharing the secrets
                                    We'd walk until the morning was gone
                                    We were like children
                                    Laughing for hours
                                    The joy you gave me
                                    Lives on and on
                                    'Cause I know you by heart

                                    I still hear your voice
                                    On warm summer nights
                                    Whispering like the wind

                                    ohhh, ohhhh, ohhhhh, ohhhh

                                    You left in autumn
                                    The leaves were turning
                                    I walked down roads of orange and gold
                                    I saw your sweet smile
                                    I heard your laughter
                                    You're still here beside me
                                    'Cause I know you by heart
                                    'Cause I know you by heart





On Loss


By R. Sullivan

Realization comes slowly.

How can this be?

I close my mouth and taste…



                          Recognize that on certain days

                  the greatest grace is that the day is over …

                  And you get to close your eyes.



I Cannot Hold… by Dr. Joanne Cacciatore

I cannot hold you in my arms,
So I will hold you in my heart
I cannot hear you call me by name,

So I will carry the song you left behind

I cannot walk beside you,
So I will be your feet
Bringing your beauty into the world.
And I will live my life to make you proud 


My Hands Will Reach Out… by Dr. Joanne Cacciatore


My hands will reach out to touch another because of you


My feet will carry me through each day because of you


My heart will grieve with strangers because of you


My eyes will see a world with new meaning because of you


I’d gladly give anything to have you back with me


But until that time, I will be kinder, love deeper and live

wild and free because of you



Heaven Needed You More

Music and words by Mikalene Ipson

No words can describe the heartache
No words of comfort anyone can say
I've never felt a pain like this before…
A piece of my heart died with you

But, I guess Heaven needed you more, but I can't understand exactly what for

Is this a trial of my faith? A lesson to be learned?
Why did my baby come to earth then so quickly return?

I gotta get up off the floor and trust that heaven needed you more

I came home to an empty [nursery]
Your cries and laughter won't fill this room
This was not the way I planned it
Oh Lord I'm needing comfort from you
My arms are empty but you'll remain in my heart

Just remember [Mommy] loves you and we're not really far apart


Yes, Heaven needed you more, and I'm starting to understand exactly what for

It's been a trial of my faith, so many lessons have been learned

Yes, my baby came to earth and then so quickly returned

But I'm up off the floor… I know that Heaven needed you more.



It’s Not About Forgetting By Lexi Behrndt


It’s not about forgetting,

Or acting like the scars aren’t there,

Or trying not to remember your face.

Or the curve of your smile.


It’s not about avoiding

The pain and ache,

The memories I’ll never hold,

The space between us.


It’s about the light in your smile

Finding its way into mine,

And the fire in your eyes

Setting aflame my soul.


With love.

With compassion.

With goodness.

With hope.


It’s about you

Your legacy, your light,

Your name, your memory,

And love that never dies.


You left me better.

You left me braver.

You left me kinder.

You left me with the best parts of you.











Coping Minds