Children's developmental stages/reactionsWellness Tips
Developmental Ages and Possible Reactions to Death
| Age |
What they Think |
What they Feel |
What they Do |
3-5 years
(preschool) |
- Death is temporary and reversible
- Finality of death is not evident
- Death mixed up with trips, sleep
- May wonder what deceased is doing
|
- Sad
- Anxious
- Withdrawn
- Confused about changes
- Angry
- Scared
- Cranky (feelings are acted out in play)
|
- Cry
- Fight
- Are interested in dead things
- Act as if death never happened
|
| 6-9 years |
- About the finality of death
- About the biological process of death
- Death is related to mutilation
- A spirit gets you when you die
- About who will care for them if a parent dies
- Their actions and words caused the death
|
- Sad
- Anxious
- Withdrawn
- Confused about changes
- Angry
- Scared
- Cranky (feelings are acted out in play)
|
- Behave aggressively
- Behave withdrawn
- Experience nightmares
- Act as if death never happened
- Lack of concentration
- Have a decline in grades
|
| 9-12 years |
- About and understand the finality in death
- Death is hard to talk about
- That death may happen again, and feel anxious
- About death with jocularity
- About what will happen if their parent(s) die
- Their actions and words caused the death
|
- Vulnerable
- Anxious
- Scared
- Lonely
- Confused
- Angry
- Sad
- Abandoned
- Guilty
- Fearful
- Worried
- Isolated
|
- Behave aggressively
- Behave withdrawn
- Talk about physical aspects of death
- Act like it never happened, not show feelings
- Experience nightmares
- Lack of concentration
- Have a decline in grades
|
12 years and up
(teenagers) |
- About and understand the finality of death
- If they show their feelings they will be weak
- They need to be in control of their feelings
- About death and jocularity
- Only about life before or after death
- Their actions and words caused the death
|
- Vulnerable
- Anxious
- Scared
- Lonely
- Confused
- Angry
- Sad
- Abandoned
- Guilty
- Fearful
- Worried
- Isolated
|
- Behave impulsively
- Argue, scream, fight
- Allow themselves to be in dangerous situations
- Grieve for what might have been
- Experience nightmares
- Act like it never happened
- Lack of concentration
- Have a decline in grades
|
| Approximate Developmental Age |
Grief Reactions |
Helpful Approaches |
| Infant to 2 years |
- General distress
- Sleeplessness
- Shock, despair, protest
- Child responses to parental grief
|
- A consistent, nurturing figure to take the place of the lost family member
- Include in funeral rituals
|
| Ages 2-5 years |
- Confusion
- Agitation at night, frightening dreams, regression
- Child often understands that a profound event has occurred
- May appear unaffected
- Repeated questioning
- Child’s understanding of death is limited
|
- Simple, honest words and phrases
- Reassurance
- Drawing, reading books
- Play together
- Include in funeral rituals
- Secure, loving environment
|
| Ages 5-8 years |
- Wants to understand about death in a concrete way, but think “won’t happen to them”
- Denial, anger, sorrow
- General distress, disoriented, confused
- May behave as though nothing has happened
- May ask questions repeatedly
- Desire to confirm w/peers
- May need physical activity on a regular basis
|
- Simple, honest words and phrases
- Answer questions simply and honestly
- Look for confused thinking
- Offer physical outlets
- Reassurance about the future
- Drawings, reading books, play together
- Include in funeral rituals
|
| Ages 8-12 years |
- Shock, denial, anxiety, distress
- Facade of coping
- May need physical activity on a regular basis
- Finality of death understood, phobic behavior, morbid curiosity, peer conformity
|
- Answer questions directly and honestly
- Reassurance about future
- Create times to talk
- Offer physical outlets
- Reading
|
| Adolescents |
- Shock, anxiety, distress, denial, anger, depression, withdrawal, aggression
|
- May react similar to adult but have less coping mechanisms
- May feel young and vulnerable, and need to talk
|
|
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