Leading Up to the Service/Memorial:

  • Remind yourself to breathe
  • Drink fluids, though you’re not thirsty
  • Eat a little something to maintain your strength
  • Rest your body, though you cannot sleep
  • Think about your child’s wishes and beliefs
  • Depending on age, include the siblings in the planning:
    • Flowers
    • Rituals
    • Favorite items, notes to be included
    • Photos displayed
    • Clothes their sibling should rest in
    • Stories to be included
    • Design of memorial or marker

During the Service, Remembrance or Memorial:

  • Drink fluids
  • Have mints to moisten your mouth
  • Sit every so often
  • Ignore people’s clumsy comments
  • Notice how your child has impacted so many
  • Some people clip a lock of hair for a keepsake
  • Collect flowers from arrangements to press them
  • Have a friend keep track of gifts and kind gestures
  • Have them assist with thank you notes later (perhaps at a year’s anniversary)

In the Days Following Service/Memorial:

  • Continue to drink fluids and eat at least once a day
  • Rest your body
  • Do daily rituals like getting dressed
  • There is comfort in rituals
  • Ask for privacy or company – whichever you need
  • Take a walk
  • Allow yourself to feel the “sharp” agony of it
  • Look up and see what is still around you
  • Treasure every fleeting moment of peace
  • Hold their pillow, stuffed animal, special item
  • Scream into a pillow
  • Cry in the shower or car
  • See your physician or visit a therapist when ready
  • Talk to your child… out loud or in your mind
  • Let others help you:
    • Mow your yard
    • Grocery shop
    • Do errands
    • Write thank you notes
    • Cook meals that can be frozen
    • Walk your pets
    • Do your laundry
    • Listen to stories about your child
    • Sit in the quiet with you

Be forgiving and gentle with yourselves. You have been traumatized and you will not be fully functioning for a while. 

The grief will not go away. Over time, it will become “softer” and a part of you. It will be a constant reminder of your precious one.

To learn more about how we may be able to help you in your time of need, please contact us today by calling 585-629-6660 or sending an email through our contact page.