The days leading up to birthdays, holidays and anniversaries seem to be the most challenging. Perhaps it’s because we fear that initial agonizing shock again and we dread it. We forget that we have lived in shock every day since losing them.
Though we have more challenges ahead, unless something happens to our other children, everything else appears manageable. We have hopefully survived our darkest moment.
We will continue on craving them yet breathing. Aching for them yet functioning. Observing life yet being separated from it. Managing through each day becomes our normal.
On the “special” days it’s so scary to allow ourselves to just stop and immerse in the aching, craving and sadness. We’re afraid that we will be swallowed up and we won’t be able to climb out again.
We've forgotten that we are warriors that now innately know how to climb out of the abyss. Sadly, it’s muscle memory now.
We feel blessed to be their mom or dad. We know he/she loves us forever and always. He/she was our person and it’s our weary honor to grieve for them until we join them. We wouldn’t give that up for anything.
Hugs to all of our fellow warriors as we face the days ahead carrying our grief with us. Our devotion is a heartbreakingly beautiful and sacred thing to experience so we are certain it is difficult and breathtaking to witness.
💔 Yours in sorrow, Kristan Rojas
(Thoughts shared with another bereaved mom on her son’s first “Heaven Day”)